Theory #2 – It is not enjoyable to dilly-dally
Dilly-dallying: when I know what I want to do, but I’m not really doing it yet, for no good reason. AKA lollygag.
Dilly-dallying is a result of not feeling urgency. Sometimes urgency comes in the form of a deadline. Sometimes it comes in the form of a fear of failure. On the other hand, once in a while, urgency comes in the form of inspiration. The creative process is highly urgent, and if I find myself dilly-dallying it’s usually because I like the idea of something, perhaps the idea of it being done, but the inspiration to actually build it or do it is lacking.
How not to stop dilly-dallying
- Berate myself for dilly-dallying
- Distract myself from what was distracting me before with another distraction
- Get depressed cause I can never get anything done
Why is dilly-dallying such a tempting vortex for me?
While dilly-dallying doesn’t get anything done, it doesn’t not get anything done either. I could stop dilly-dallying at any point and then I’d be out of the gates towards my goal. I’m just not doing it yet. But I could. Now. Or now. Or now. But until then, dilly-dallying is like a nice little nap before going out. It doesn’t take energy, and it doesn’t hurt anything too much.
What’s not to enjoy about dilly-dallying?
Despite the comfort factor of dilly-dallying, it is not a truly enjoyable past-time. In fact, it slowly eats at my self-confidence and sense of purpose. It is enjoyable in the sense that it is not painful, but it is not rewarding in itself. Enjoyment as lack of unenjoyment is the lowest form of enjoyment.
Suggestions to combat the dilly-dally urge
Not all dilly-dally remedies are created equal. As mentioned above, deadlines and fear, while they can cure the common dilly-dally urge, aren’t necessarily gonna produce the same quality of action as creative inspiration will.
Here are some things that help me get off my lazy ass when I find myself dilly-dallying too long:
Look for a short-term reward in the thing you’re avoiding. For example, if you want to build a yacht, cut down those trees with style. Work on your form, enjoy the swing, breath in the air, and inject meaning into the tiniest little task. Pretend that this is the opening scene of a movie, hinting at all that is to come. Finding the meaning and beauty in the current task, rather than focusing all of your attention on the completed task, is the key to building something that as a whole has meaning, attention to detail, and beauty.
Take an irreversible step. I like to hedge my bets and always leave an escape hatch. But escape hatches promote dilly-dallying. An irreversible step, like paying for the yoga retreat months in advance, will help motivate and inspire me to be all in with my 2-3 times a week yoga classes. Irreversible steps seem unwise on the surface since they are unnecessarily limiting my options rather than expanding them, but I work well within the confines of limited options. I can make the best of a single option a lot easier than trying to make the best of multiple options.
This is an open theory. What do you think about dilly-dallying?
February 18th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
I agree with you, but I think the “know what I want to do” part is important. If I don’t know what I want to do it’s not dilly dallying. Inaction can be more productive than useless or counterproductive action.
(but of course sometimes I know what I want to do even if I don’t know what I want to do)
February 19th, 2009 at 4:56 am
It’s true, you can’t dilly dally unless you are avoiding something that you know you should be doing. It’s the procrastination that is the problem, because it’s not a waste if you’re not wasting anything.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
For me, dilly-dallying is actually a result of a fear of failure — in a long-term, bigger sense. I wrestle with it daily and I think it’s more of a “if I don’t try, I can’t fail” self-defeatism. It’s the #1 issue I need to work out.
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Meredith – Since this is something you’re working on, maybe you can help flesh out ideas on how to do so. Do you have any strategies that seem to work? Would facing the fear of failure directly be advisable? Could experimenting with small failures and seeing that they aren’t so bad possibly help inoculate you to them and slowly work toward not having to avoid the thought anymore? I’m curious about this and would be interested in hearing any progress and challenges you run into.
February 24th, 2009 at 4:36 am
Small failures used as inoculation should work, in theory. The issue with that, though, is that when I do really try, with real effort and focus (though for me, focus is another difficulty), I don’t fail. Not historically, anyway. But anything that’s worked, I haven’t been able to pick apart and outline as a future strategy. Perhaps that should be my next step.
I think if I knew where this fear came from, why it’s so deeply rooted (and it goes hand in hand with a perfectionism I had from a very early age — funny, my perfectionism has faded but the fear of failure remains), it would help me to work through it. But I don’t know where it comes from. Parents never pushed, never held overly high standards for me, etc.
Frankly, I’d like to be talking to a professional about this, if youknowhutimean, but can’t afford it right now, so this may have to suffice.
February 25th, 2009 at 12:38 am
I think what you’re saying is that you don’t fail when you put in the effort and focus to dodge failure and make things work. But it’s the things where you don’t invest as much effort and focus that might fail… and perhaps the dilly-dallying is more of a resistance of that full 100% effort mentality that true success requires as anything else. You feel like in order to avoid failure, a certain level of investment must be met, and you can’t invest that in everything. So, you dilly-dally on the things that don’t meet the threshold of effort requirement.
Which, if you look at it another way, could simply be a resistance to the idea of multi-tasking. If all of your energy is going to things you think are more important, and you don’t have enough for a new task, even if it’s an important one, then you feel like you are going to fail at it and avoid working on it.
It doesn’t sound that harmful in this context, but of course the context is hypothetical. I suppose, if you really try, with real effort and focus, to find out what the real issue is here, that you won’t fail.
May 16th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
I thought this all made a lot of sense. I found your site while engaged in exactly the kind of dilly-dallying you describe so well, so I’m going to close the browser and get on with my writing. Thank you!