Comments on: Theory #2 – It is not enjoyable to dilly-dally

By: Richard

Richard — Sat, 16 May 2009 13:02:01 +0000

I thought this all made a lot of sense. I found your site while engaged in exactly the kind of dilly-dallying you describe so well, so I’m going to close the browser and get on with my writing. Thank you!

By: Buster

Buster — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:38:14 +0000

I think what you’re saying is that you don’t fail when you put in the effort and focus to dodge failure and make things work. But it’s the things where you don’t invest as much effort and focus that might fail… and perhaps the dilly-dallying is more of a resistance of that full 100% effort mentality that true success requires as anything else. You feel like in order to avoid failure, a certain level of investment must be met, and you can’t invest that in everything. So, you dilly-dally on the things that don’t meet the threshold of effort requirement.

Which, if you look at it another way, could simply be a resistance to the idea of multi-tasking. If all of your energy is going to things you think are more important, and you don’t have enough for a new task, even if it’s an important one, then you feel like you are going to fail at it and avoid working on it.

It doesn’t sound that harmful in this context, but of course the context is hypothetical. I suppose, if you really try, with real effort and focus, to find out what the real issue is here, that you won’t fail.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 04:36:03 +0000

Small failures used as inoculation should work, in theory. The issue with that, though, is that when I do really try, with real effort and focus (though for me, focus is another difficulty), I don’t fail. Not historically, anyway. But anything that’s worked, I haven’t been able to pick apart and outline as a future strategy. Perhaps that should be my next step.

I think if I knew where this fear came from, why it’s so deeply rooted (and it goes hand in hand with a perfectionism I had from a very early age — funny, my perfectionism has faded but the fear of failure remains), it would help me to work through it. But I don’t know where it comes from. Parents never pushed, never held overly high standards for me, etc.

Frankly, I’d like to be talking to a professional about this, if youknowhutimean, but can’t afford it right now, so this may have to suffice.

By: Buster

Buster — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 22:06:25 +0000

Meredith – Since this is something you’re working on, maybe you can help flesh out ideas on how to do so. Do you have any strategies that seem to work? Would facing the fear of failure directly be advisable? Could experimenting with small failures and seeing that they aren’t so bad possibly help inoculate you to them and slowly work toward not having to avoid the thought anymore? I’m curious about this and would be interested in hearing any progress and challenges you run into.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:23:28 +0000

For me, dilly-dallying is actually a result of a fear of failure — in a long-term, bigger sense. I wrestle with it daily and I think it’s more of a “if I don’t try, I can’t fail” self-defeatism. It’s the #1 issue I need to work out.

By: Buster

Buster — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 04:56:34 +0000

It’s true, you can’t dilly dally unless you are avoiding something that you know you should be doing. It’s the procrastination that is the problem, because it’s not a waste if you’re not wasting anything.

By: Laurel

Laurel — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 23:08:27 +0000

I agree with you, but I think the “know what I want to do” part is important. If I don’t know what I want to do it’s not dilly dallying. Inaction can be more productive than useless or counterproductive action.

(but of course sometimes I know what I want to do even if I don’t know what I want to do)